What I wish for my daughter on her fourth birthday

My daughter is about to turn four. Her grandparents are asking what they can get for her. The question has made me feel hollow and heavy at the same time.

I don’t feel like I can give her the things I really, truly want her to have.

She is a hilarious and fascinating little being who has a lot to offer the world. She is not lacking for personality or joy. I am, generally speaking, providing a decent existence for her. Her smile shines.

But at the same time, there are so many fronts on which I feel I’m missing the mark. Modeling is key for children, and the values I hold dear are not getting conveyed to my daughter by the way I am currently being.

I wish I knew how to give her what I want.

I want her to feel intimately grounded and connected to nature.

I want to her be filled with a sense of wonder.

I want her sense of magic to overrule a need for limits.

I want her sense of inner peace to be a mooring set so deeply that she can always find her way back.

I want her to feel like there will always be enough time.

I want her to trust that it will all work out.

I want her to believe in the possibility of a long-lasting, loving partnership.

I want her to know how to give and accept help.

I want her to grow within a stable, supportive, and connected family.

I want her internal rhythm to be balanced and solid.

I want her to delight in following and creating traditions.

I want her default switch to be set to content.

I want her to have respect for fear but to choose love.

I want her to be healthy and strong.

These gifts I would buy with my soul.