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You are here: Home / Holistic Health / I dreamed a dream (Part I)

I dreamed a dream (Part I)

May 17, 2010 by Jessica 2 Comments

As I slept the other night, a vision came into my head of a child with a crowded mouth of ill-fitting teeth. Then I heard the words, “She has Down’s.”

My eyes popped open. It was the middle of the night, and my 4-year-old son lay sleeping next to me, with my husband on the other side, oblivious to the pronouncement I’d just heard in my head.

Oh my God. I asked my baby — using the name we have recently warmed to but reserve the right to change our minds about — “Does that mean you? Do you have special needs?”

Previously asleep, she started moving right away. And she replied: “We will be fine, Mommy. I am the perfect child for you to have. We will be fine.”

At first I remained concerned and wide-eyed, my heart racing. But I kept listening. What should I do? “Trust. Love. Breathe.”

Um, okay. Pretty wise for a 28-week-old fetus. But then again, who knows how long that soul has been around. It would appear that it has an edge on mine!

Lately when I’ve woken up at this time of night — without any alarming warning, just with alertness — I have to get up. There’s just no use staying in bed. I make a snack or do a little yoga, or read, or all three. But this night I could tell my baby just wanted me to rest.

So I did. And I thought about her words. I fell back asleep.

The next day, I wasn’t shaken or upset. I felt peaceful. Accepting. It’s not up to me what child is going to come into our lives. There is no script of how things should be unless I make it up in my head and cling to it, which does no one any good.

So, for the moment, I am less anxious or worried (or avoidingly distant) than I’ve been much of this pregnancy and more of the mind that whatever is the right experience for me to have will be the one I will have.

Whatever life looks like, however hard the challenges we face, we can always choose to believe that things are, in fact, fine.

Read the background here in Part II

Filed Under: Holistic Health, Uncategorized Tagged With: belief, birth, Down syndrome, fear, health, priorities

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Comments

  1. JenniC10 says

    May 18, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    This is so beautiful and so true. Thanks for sharing.

Trackbacks

  1. Crunchy-Chewy Mama » Blog Archive » Dreaming of Down’s: From Left to Write Book Club Day says:
    November 12, 2011 at 11:55 am

    […] above came from a blog post back in 2010. Shortly after I wrote it, I did finally read Expecting Adam by Martha Beck. I found it beautiful […]

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Welcome to Crunchy-Chewy Mama, where the wilderness meets the sidewalk. Around here, I do my best to live as healthfully as possible. But compromises abound.

I also publish the resource blog Mindful Healthy Life of Metro DC. To learn about my writing and appearances and for details about the writing, editing and consulting services I offer, visit JessicaClaireHaney.com.

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