My daughter is about to turn four. Her grandparents are asking what they can get for her. The question has made me feel hollow and heavy at the same time.
I don’t feel like I can give her the things I really, truly want her to have.
She is a hilarious and fascinating little being who has a lot to offer the world. She is not lacking for personality or joy. I am, generally speaking, providing a decent existence for her. Her smile shines.
But at the same time, there are so many fronts on which I feel I’m missing the mark. Modeling is key for children, and the values I hold dear are not getting conveyed to my daughter by the way I am currently being.
I wish I knew how to give her what I want.
I want her to feel intimately grounded and connected to nature.
I want to her be filled with a sense of wonder.
I want her sense of magic to overrule a need for limits.
I want her sense of inner peace to be a mooring set so deeply that she can always find her way back.
I want her to feel like there will always be enough time.
I want her to trust that it will all work out.
I want her to believe in the possibility of a long-lasting, loving partnership.
I want her to know how to give and accept help.
I want her to grow within a stable, supportive, and connected family.
I want her internal rhythm to be balanced and solid.
I want her to delight in following and creating traditions.
I want her default switch to be set to content.
I want her to have respect for fear but to choose love.
I want her to be healthy and strong.
These gifts I would buy with my soul.