This election business poses a challenge for me.  Everyone is talking on Facebook about their hopes and fears, but, when I’m standing in my kitchen talking to my 6-year-old, I don’t want to talk too much about politics. My son just doesn’t need too much of the world on his shoulders. I wonder what truly Waldorf parents do or say (as opposed to watered down, public-school me). Do they discuss the merits of their candidate, the downfalls of the other? You don’t have to be watching TV to know there is an election going on. I guess we could have lived in the woods for the past two months; how else can you avoid it?

I do care, and I want him to know I care. I was moved to tears when we went to Inauguration festivities eight years ago.  There is a lot at stake for things that matter to me. But when my son says things like, “I sure hope Obama wins,” I feel less proud than I might have expected and more like he’s just a parrot. When he sees the neighbor’s yard sign and points out that they are voting for Romney, all I do is say, “Looks like it.”

Yes, this election is a big deal, and yes, I care about the issues at stake. I do want my son to grow up sharing my values because, well, I value my values!

But I think I care more that he grows up understanding that people do not always agree. Heck, it’s one of the reasons I have him in public school, so that he can be around people from many cultures who speak many languages at home and experience their lives in many different ways.

We have been gifted with such generous friends, family and neighbors of different political and religious beliefs. At this time of year, do I highlight – dare I even say celebrate – the fact that people make different decisions on election day so that my son understands there is no right/wrong, good/bad? I look forward to him getting old enough to engage in ideas. This is why I taught high school and college. I don’t know how to talk to little kids.

As I sit in front of the TV listening to talking heads, here is the best I can do for a poem tonight, with a phone photo from my departure from the polls tonight.

Voting Line
The girl and boy behind us
did not have scooters
like we did
and did not go to the same school.

Both of our families

made a conscious decision

not to attend our default
and each of us picked a different place,
no doubt feeling certain, and lucky to get in.
The children are fortunate
that their parents had choices.
We all want to cultivate pride
and conviction
but just as important
is openness to seeing a spectrum
and finding a toddler’s sense of magic
in the mixing swirls of
blue and red
into purple.

After casting aside my poetry hat for far too long, my NaBloPoMo plan is to write a poem — and to take and post a photo — every day in November, spending less than half an hour on both. The hope is to drill down, to focus, to look for and create beauty.

Previous Posts:

Day 1: Eleven One

Day 2: Shoreline

Day 3: Damage

Day 4: On Parenting and Sunrises

Day 5: When will we?

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How do you balance conviction with humility and tolerance?

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Before I was interviewed by CNN about High Fructose Corn Syrup last year, I fretted about how to present my case in a way that would inform without preaching. I didn’t want to turn off parents who would sooner dismiss me as one of those crazy health-freak moms than hear out my concerns. I once posted about a condiment-making class on a mainstream moms club email list and found out later that one of the moms had had a fit over the teacher’s language promoting the class: “If you love them, make the ketchup!” She felt criticized and judged.

So I wanted to take a stand that I was comfortable with as a “real food” advocate but not judge people who haven’t followed the same path and come to the same place.

Sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want all parents to read labels and stop buying food with HFCS. I honestly believe we would all be healthier without this industrial food product in our bodies.

But as I’ve learned many times (often the hard way), few people are swayed by someone else’s hardline position or “my-way-or-the-highway” tack. So I tried then, as I usually do when talking with people or sending email responses to more mainstream lists, to simply come from a place of personal experience. I have a better shot at reaching open minds if I share my own gratitude for figuring out how gluten (and vegetarianism) were problematic for my body and how turning to a traditional diet helped me heal (and get pregnant) than if I simply complain or preach. Everyone is different, and a how-to discussion might not resonate. But tales of triumph often do.

I have shared a lot of my stories in person and online — here and on email discussion lists. In encountering moms of all stripes, I’ve heard more than once something to the effect of “you should be some kind of health counselor with all you know!” It was nice to hear thanks and often — sometimes months, sometimes years later — I’ve heard back from people how something I shared started them down a path that led to the resolution or improvement of a health issue. That feels great.

I do think genuine sharing from an honest place can open minds and help heal bodies. So can simply living by example. A whole lot of folks I met back in 2006 ended up as Ergo owners after seeing me carry my son everywhere in one. And our homemade foods get questions and remarks of, “Oh, I should try that!”

But the biggest investment I’ve made in compassionate advocacy is founding and leading a chapter of Holistic Moms Network. I started a chapter because I wanted new moms and parents early in their holistic journeys to have a place of support and education. Although we of course want folks to join the organization and have access to learning (and teaching!) a whole lot more through participation in our community, our chapter grew very large very quickly, so we are not hurting in the numbers department. Still, I feel like there is a lot of value in just having our meetings out there for people to see, just to put a bug in their ear and get them thinking, even if they don’t ever become a member. Part of the work of the chapter, I believe, is putting a public face on holistic living so people know it is even an option.

You never know when someone who once saw our flyer with a January “Special Diets” meeting and a February “Allergy Elimination” meeting might, months down the line, find herself the parent of a dairy-sensitive child. She just might take a wider research approach to include holistic practitioners because she just saw the meeting topic titles.

Or maybe just the words “Mindful Parenting” or “Creating Balance in Family Life” might give a stressed-out parent pause when he or she sees it on the ice cream parlor bulletin board during the middle of a meltdown. Our meetings present possibilities for health and well-being.

This blog is titled as it is — Crunchy-Chewy Mama — because I am no exception to the rule that no one is just one thing. I am more crunchy than not, but I certainly have some habits and preferences that might seem like contradictions to holistic living.

But what I do want to be consistent about it believing in the possibility of health.

And when I put myself out in the world, that’s what I want to look like.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don’t share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don’t parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That’s The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she’s learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the “good news” of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people’s children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter’s senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the “great divide” through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R’s of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how “The Three R’s” can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she’s been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she’s doing — and it’s a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on “holistic” — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We’re great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by “just doing her thing,” she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I’m not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• don’t tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.